He Said, She Said: Breaking the Cycle of Conflict with Marriage Counseling Wake Forest NC Insights

Couples who feel disconnected—whether it’s due to communication issues, infidelity, feeling like roommates, or being stuck in co-parenting roles without the passion, spark, and respect—often bring up one issue in marriage counseling Raleigh NC sessions: triggers.

When clients describe their challenges, I frequently hear statements like, “She triggers me when she does (this),” or “He triggers me when he does (that).”

If you’ve ever felt this way, I want to offer a new perspective that might resonate with you.

What Are Triggers Really About?

First and foremost, this is what I say to my clients: No one is “doing” anything to you. No one is triggering you. When something gets activated or triggered within you, it’s not because of the other person. It’s because you either:

·       You have no reserves left to deal with it, or

·       There’s unprocessed trauma.

So, the only reason you feel triggered by your spouse is that your emotional cup is full, and you haven’t taken care of yourself, or something unresolved is bubbling beneath the surface. It could be a mix of both—you might be dealing with some unresolved trauma, but you also might not be taking care of yourself, maybe because you feel selfish or guilty about it.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us neglect self-care, often feeling selfish or guilty for prioritizing our needs. The problem is that when we don’t address these underlying issues, our loved ones end up paying the price.

A Tip from a Marriage Counselor: Don’t Hand Over Your Power

What happens is that when you say, “They trigger me,” you’re automatically giving all your power to the other person. You’re letting them dictate your emotional state, and that’s not what you want. You don’t want to get stuck in that low vibration. Couples therapy Raleigh NC provides a safe setting to recognize this dynamic and reclaim control.

But for a moment, think about it this way: When my daughter says something hurtful to me, I don’t react. I don’t allow myself to feel triggered. Why? Because I understand she’s a child. Her brain isn’t fully developed—it won’t be until she’s about 24 or 25, according to research. Knowing her limitations, I choose not to engage with low-vibration energy. Instead, I excuse myself, zip it, and walk away.

The same principle applies to relationships with our partners. Ideally, our partners should be mature, emotionally intelligent, and on the same page as us. But let’s face it—that’s usually not the case. They have their own limitations, traumas, and restrictions. Instead of resisting this reality or demanding they “own their stuff,” you have to make a choice: Are you going to be triggered, or are you going to rise above it?

The Change Starts Within You

If your partner hasn’t been truthful for years or continues to engage in the same behaviors, it’s unlikely they’ll change overnight. It may take a while—possibly years of couples therapy Raleigh, NC, or attending a marriage retreat in North Carolina—before real change begins to occur. While this change is undoubtedly welcome, and you’ll be ready to embrace it, the real transformation happens within you.

You decide whether external stimuli will affect you, whether you’ll maintain a high-vibration mindset, and whether you’ll let your day be ruined or choose to stay positive.

Your emotional well-being is your responsibility. When you say, “I’m going to have a great day no matter what,” you’re taking back control. The outside world doesn’t get to dictate your mood—you do.

Take Control of Your Emotional Health with Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC: Liberate Yourself from Triggers

Understanding the psychology behind triggers is liberating. Imagine a birdcage with the door open open—you can fly out anytime. No one is keeping you trapped but you. By recognizing this, you can break free from the chains of feeling like a victim and blaming others.

Remember, I’m just the messenger. This isn’t about dismissing your experiences or saying your feelings don’t matter. It’s about empowering you to take control of your emotional health.

Quality Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, and Online Therapy North Carolina.

At Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, I offer the best marriage counseling I can using the most empirically validated modality called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT).

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

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Hi, I'm Irina Baechle LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage, or you are single navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, sexless marriage, healthy second marriages, healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.

Have questions about marriage counseling? Visit FAQ to find out more.

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