Brainspotting North Carolina
When you need to work on your own stuff first before you can work on your relationship together
When Your Partner Won't Come to Therapy (But You're Ready to Change Everything)
You're lying awake at 2 AM, replaying the fight in your head for the hundredth time.
You know something has to change. You can feel the distance growing between you. You see the pattern—the defensiveness, the blow-ups, the awful cycle that keeps repeating.
So you suggested couples therapy. And even googled a marriage retreat near me.
And they said no.
Maybe they don't "believe" in therapy. Maybe they think you're the one with the problem. Maybe they're too hurt, too tired, or too convinced it won't help.
And now you're stuck, thinking: "What's the point of going alone? I can't fix this by myself."
Here's What You Need to Know
You're right—you can't change your partner.
But you can absolutely change the dance.
Because here's the truth: the cycle between you isn't just about what they do. It's about how you both respond to each other, and when you change your steps, the entire pattern shifts.
Think about it:
When your gets upset and you feel that surge of defensiveness—that's your nervous system reacting to an old wound. When you blow up because it feels unbearably unfair—that's your pain reaching a breaking point. When you shut down or storm out—that's your protection mechanism kicking in.
And all of that? You can work on. Right now. Without your partner in the room.
Hi, I'm Irina, a relationship therapist who helps people discover their true selves and cultivate thriving healthy relationships.
I'm not here to promise magic solutions or quick fixes. What I offer is a path, a path to understanding yourself, loving yourself, and from there, fostering the connections you yearn for. Even if your partner won’t come to marriage counseling (now or ever). Even if your relationship ended. Or you first want to invest in some individual work and are not quite ready for couples work just yet.
You don't have to be in marriage counseling to learn how to be part of a healthy relationship.
In couples counseling for one, we'll start with the relationship with you so you truly learn what it looks like to love you. And then, once you figure that out, we'll dive into how to create more loving relationships out in the world. With lovers, with friends, and with family. And here's the secret: it's not about perfecting yourself, but about embracing your imperfections with compassion. Through the lens of self-awareness, we'll uncover the layers that make you who you are—your dreams, your scars, your strengths. It's about learning to hold your own hand before you intertwine fingers with another's.
“I love my time with Irina. She has a calming, nurturing presence. She has the amazing ability to combine that with a listening ear and straightforward feedback. It’s a delicate balance to be direct and provide support as individuals uncover parts of themselves that need attention, while at the same time, guiding them to their own internal knowing. Irina has this mastered ”
What sets Irina as a Therapist in Raleigh NC apart?
I am more than a therapist with over a decade of clinical experience and years of training.
I am more than a mom, a wife, an immigrant, a business owner, and someone who went through a divorce at a young age. I am a real person who is deeply passionate about her clients.
Therapy is a lot more than a job for me.
As a Highly Sensitive (HSP, ) and neurodivergent person who has been through her share of heartbreaks, including a divorce, I am dedicated to helping you embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery, intuitive growth, and building meaningful connections with others. With a wealth of knowledge and a heart full of empathy, I am here to empower you to navigate the intricate landscape of relationships with confidence and authenticity.
I will work hard to walk side by side you so I can truly see you and share your pain.
I am here for you each step of the way and I know how to get you home-where you will be feel confident, loved, and joyful.
Why Brainspotting Retreat in North Carolina Instead of Weekly Therapy
Here's the problem with traditional weekly therapy when your relationship is on the line:
You don't have months or years to figure this out.
Your relationship is hurting now. The fights are happening now. The distance is growing now.
Sitting in a therapist's office for 50 minutes once a week, spending half the session catching them up on what happened since last Tuesday, making tiny incremental progress while your relationship deteriorates in real-time—that's not going to cut it.
You need something powerful. Something that actually gets to the root of why you react the way you do. Something that creates real, lasting change fast.
That's why I only offer Brainspotting Intensives.
Instead of spreading healing out over months of weekly sessions, we go deep in concentrated blocks of time—typically 6 hours in a single day or over several days.
What Makes Brainspotting Intensives in North Carolina Different
1. We Get Past the Surface Fast
In weekly therapy, you spend the first 15 minutes catching up, the next 20 talking about surface-level stuff, and maybe—maybe—the last 15 minutes touching something real. Then the session ends and you have to wait another week. In an intensive, we dive deep from the start and get results fast.
2. Your Nervous System Actually Has Time to Heal
Remember that raw wound that gets triggered every time your partner criticizes you? That feeling that you're not good enough, that nothing you do will ever be enough? That's not stored in your thoughts—it's stored in your body, in your nervous system. And healing that takes more than talking about it for 45 minutes once a week.
Brainspotting works directly with your nervous system to process and release these wounds. And in an intensive format, your brain has the uninterrupted time it needs to actually complete the healing process, not just scratch the surface.
3. You See Real Change Immediately
After an intensive, you don't walk out thinking "that was a nice chat, see you next week." You walk out different. Lighter. Like something that's been weighing on you for years just... lifted. And when you go home to your partner that night or that weekend, you show up differently. You're calmer. Less reactive. More present. Your spouse notices. Immediately.
4. It Fits Your Life
You're juggling work, family, a relationship that's struggling. The last thing you need is another weekly commitment that drags on for months.
An intensive means you carve out one day a month, do the deep work, and move forward with real tools and real healing—not an endless cycle of weekly appointments.
Ready to Break the Cycle?
You've tried harder. You've collected more marbles. You've defended yourself until you're exhausted. What if there was a different way? What if you could heal the wound that makes every conflict feel like proof you're failing? What if you could show up steady, present, and whole—regardless of what your partner and kid does? What if you could do it in days, not months? That's what Brainspotting Intensives can give you.
You don't have to keep living in this cycle. Even if you're the only one ready to change—that's enough to start. And you don't have to wait. Let's do this work together, and let's do it right.
“Irina is such an insightful treasure. She will be your sounding board, a wonderful support system and give you the push you need to make changes. She will not judge you or anyone in your life, she simply listens and helps you find a way forward. She is very kind and presents honesty in a constructive way. I have worked with Irina on a professional level and she has coached me through personal experiences. Her objective perspective and critical thinking are profoundly beneficial. I recommend Irina to anyone that is struggling with a relationship in their life or just needs a supportive and healthy way to get things off their chest.”
When You Need Even Deeper Healing
Sometimes the wounds run so deep that even Brainspotting intensives need extra support to reach them.
Maybe you've been carrying shame since childhood. Maybe the voice telling you "you're not good enough" has been there so long you can't remember life without it. Maybe the defenses you've built are so thick that accessing the pain underneath feels impossible.
That's when we might combine Brainspotting with other powerful modalities.
Ketamine-Assisted Therapy
Ketamine works differently than traditional therapy or even Brainspotting alone.
It temporarily quiets the defensive walls your brain has built, creating a window where you can access and process wounds that have been locked away for years—sometimes decades.
When appropriate, we can integrate low-dose ketamine into your intensive work to:
Reach wounds that talk therapy can't touch—the preverbal trauma, the deep shame, the pain that lives below conscious awareness
Soften the rigid defenses that keep you stuck in reactive patterns
Create profound shifts in how you see yourself, your worth, and your relationships
Accelerate the healing process so you can move through years of pain in hours instead of months
This isn't about escaping reality or numbing out.
It's about creating the neurological space for real, lasting transformation.
The Power of EFT (Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy) Principles
Even though your partner isn't in the room, the work we do together is deeply informed by Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) —the gold-standard approaches for relational wounds and struggles.
EFIT teaches us that beneath every defensive reaction, every blow-up, every shutdown, there's a deeper emotion and a core need:
Beneath your rage is the fear that you're not good enough
Beneath your defensiveness is the need to be seen and valued
Beneath your shutdown is the terror of being rejected or found inadequate
In our intensive work together, we use Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) principles to:
Identify the attachment wounds driving your reactions
Understand the cycle you're stuck in and your role in it
Learn how to communicate your deeper needs instead of defending from fear
Practice new ways of reaching for connection instead of protection
Even working alone, you're learning the language of emotional connection. You're understanding what's really happening beneath the surface of your fights.
And when you learn to recognize and express your own deeper needs, everything changes.
You stop fighting about the plumber or the text message. You start being able to say: "When you got upset, I felt like I was failing you, and that terrifies me because I'm trying so hard."
That's vulnerability. That's real. That's what creates change. And even if your partner isn't ready for therapy yet, when you start showing up this way—open, honest, emotionally available, it shifts everything between you.
If you are unsure what retreat is best for your unique needs, don’t stress. Not knowing is actually very common and normal. After discussing everything during the phone consult, I will share all my recommendations with you, so you can understand and decide.