Building Bridges, Not Walls: Expert Strategies for Healthy Communication from a Marriage Counselor
As a licensed relationship therapist with over 13 years of clinical experience in North Carolina and Virginia and a full EFT certification which takes years to obtain (took me over 7 years), I'm committed to helping couples who feel disconnected due to communication breakdown, trust issues, and feeling like they are not as close or loved as they used to be. People drift apart in relationships for various reasons. All kinds of life stuff like juggling demanding careers, parenting, taking care of aging parents, or dealing with health issues can create emotional distance and make intimacy in your relationship wane.
Beyond the Marriage Counseling Raleigh, NC Session: Why Real Change in Couples Therapy Requires New Experiences
I want to talk about something that comes up a lot with my clients in marriage counseling Raleigh NC, and I know some of my friends who have done couples therapy before also have similar worries. For those of you navigating relationships, I hope this insight will be helpful.
In couples therapy Raleigh NC, I see couples struggle with misunderstandings, barriers, and walls built from years of unexpressed needs and unaddressed conflicts. But here's the news: there are ways to dismantle these walls and replace them with bridges that strengthen your connection.
Couples who have been in therapy for a while often feel that their communication outside of sessions doesn't measure up to what happens during those sessions. When they're in a marriage counseling session or marriage retreat in North Carolina, it's easier to communicate effectively because they have a third party there to guide the conversation and mediate. Yet, outside those sessions, couples often feel stuck, disconnected, and unable to repair their bond effectively.
Why does this happen? Simply put, some couples struggle to reconnect or make meaningful repairs outside of counseling because, for genuine change to take root, new experiences must first happen within the therapy sessions. These experiences aren't just important but essential for fostering the change couples want to see in their relationships.
Knowledge Through Experience, Not Just Information: How Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC Can Help
I love Einstein's quote, "Knowledge is experience; everything else is just information." You see, we could talk for hours about how to connect with your partner on an intellectual level. But if that knowledge only stays in your mind without practical experience to support it, it won't stick. You may understand it, and it may make sense to you in a cerebral way. Still, you won't be able to use this understanding during those intense moments when emotions are running high. In those times, we tend to revert to our old patterns and behaviors because they feel safe and familiar, even if they're ineffective.
To unlearn old and relearn new behaviors, we need to have new neurological experiences—what we refer to as "limbic revision" in emotionally focused therapy (EFT).
Think about it: if you've practiced a certain behavior for 10, 20, or even 30 years, it's unrealistic to expect that you can adopt a new way of being after just two months, six months, or even 18 months of therapy. To illustrate, if it took you a decade to walk into the "forest" of these communication habits, it wouldn't take just a few minutes to walk out. I'm not saying you need to be in therapy for 20 years just because you've been practicing the old way for that long, but it does require time and patience to shift your behaviors.
Why Real Change Takes Time
Therapy, whether in-person couples therapy Raleigh NC, or online therapy North Carolina, does not necessarily have to take as long as the old behavior has been practiced, but real change isn't instant. It might take a year, maybe more, depending on several factors—how much trauma each of you has experienced, how adaptable you are, and how well you can handle difficult emotions. Creating these new experiences within the relationship takes time and repeated practice. This isn't a quick fix. We're working to restore emotional flow, release old traumas, and heal raw spots that are still painful. Unprocessed emotions and unresolved issues surface repeatedly during arguments because they're still "top of mind," and we carry them like bricks in a backpack. We have to lay these burdens down to make space for peacefulness in our relationships.
For example, in our marriage counseling sessions, we will work on the following:
· Your tolerance levels: How well can you tolerate your partner's upset feelings?
· Flexibility: How easily can you adapt to a new way of communicating?
· Emotional regulation: How wide is your "window of tolerance" when emotions get intense?
Healing the Inner Child
Much of this healing involves reparenting your inner child. Sometimes, parts of us still hold onto pain or fears from years ago. They don't yet know that it's safe to let go, that they don't have to carry that hurt. This is where the power of therapy lies—not just in talking, but in creating new, positive experiences that help these parts of us feel secure and release that old pain.
The Importance of Commitment in Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC
Because real change is a process, I'm careful to be transparent with new couples about the time commitment involved in effective therapy. For many, it takes at least a year, sometimes longer, to reach what I call "Stage Three." This is where couples not only understand what's been causing their issues but have also practiced and learned a new way of relating to each other.
Conclusion: Building Lasting Change Through New Experiences
Therapy is not a quick fix; no therapist has a "magic button" to make change happen instantly. It's a journey that requires patience and practice to build those bridges that foster lasting connections. It's about dedicating time to new, positive experiences that reshape your connection. Through patience, vulnerability, and openness, you can bridge past hurts and communicate with greater understanding. By embracing this journey, you're strengthening your relationship and building a resilient foundation for years to come.
Thank you for reading. This sheds light on what to expect in couples therapy and helps guide you on your own journey.
Quality Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, and Online Therapy North Carolina.
At Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, I offer the best marriage counseling I can using the most empirically validated modality called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT).
This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.
Hi, I'm Irina Baechle LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage, or you are single navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, sexless marriage, healthy second marriages, healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.
Have questions about marriage counseling? Visit FAQ to find out more.
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