Navigating the In-Between Space in Your Marriage – Tips from a Couples Therapist in Wake Forest, NC

Are you feeling torn between staying and leaving your marriage? Working with couples in marriage counseling Wake Forest NC over the years, I have often seen this "I think I want separation, but I feel unsure" dilemma in one or both partners. You're still physically present in Usually, one partner begins to emotionally detach, often for years, long before any actual separation takes place. The other is caught off guard, left standing in a state of confusion and limbo. And the truth? This space—the in-between—is one of the hardest places to be.

Let's explore what it means to be "in-between" and how space, support, and self-trust can help you move forward.

I Think I Want to Leave, But I'm Still Here: Insights from a Marriage Therapist

This Was Never Meant to Be Easy

There's a unique kind of pain that comes when you're not sure whether to stay or go. So, first of all, I want to validate and acknowledge that this process was never meant to be easy. You may be wishing that it would be easier, that you would be more decisive or assertive with boundaries, feeling guilty and frustrated with yourself. However, feeling unsure and indecisive is normal in situations like this, especially if you have children or if you sense that things in your relationship are no longer working out for you.

So, if you're struggling with indecision, give yourself grace. It takes a great deal of courage and strength to even consider the idea of separation or divorce. This isn't one of those situations where you "know." Again, especially if you have kids, shared responsibilities, or a long history, it's supposed to be a roller coaster.

Emotionally, things could be changing on an hourly basis. You may find yourself feeling one way in the morning and totally different by the afternoon. You may want to leave at 10 a.m., and by 3 p.m., you're wondering if you should try harder. If it feels like this is an ongoing battle, it's because it is. That doesn't mean something's wrong with you. It means you're in the thick of it—processing, unraveling, trying to figure out many layers, and facing some deeply emotional truths.

So, give yourself space to really just unpack this, one step at a time. Couples in couples therapy Raleigh NC often comment on how all of this feels like such a fluid process, and that's perfectly normal.

Why This Limbo Feels So Awful (& How Couples Therapy Raleigh NC Can Help)

In marriage counseling Wake Forest, one of the most common concerns I hear sounds something like this: "My partner said they want to separate... but they're not 100% sure. One day, we're talking like everything's okay, and the next, we're like strangers."

Does this sound familiar?

This emotional limbo is incredibly disorienting. When one partner has been thinking about separation or divorce for a while—usually several years, a year at least—and the other partner is just learning that this is reality, there's uncertainty, mixed signals, and a deep sense of sadness or guilt. And what often happens? You start to question reality. Are we okay? Are we broken? Is this just a rough patch? How I didn't see it coming? One day, you're having a quiet conversation and a little bit of closeness… and the next, you're looking at apartments or sleeping in different rooms. You feel together but not really together. It's exhausting—and totally normal.

The partner who wants to initiate the breakup often feels like they've been on their own for a long time, even if the other partner is physically present. And it takes time for this truth to really sink in in the other partner's heart. Because there is just a lot to unravel here, perhaps it's resentment that has been building over the years—a mixed, weighty feeling of annoyance and disappointment with your partner for something they have done (or failed to do), which you have never resolved. This can weigh you down and wreck your relationship. For example, if your partner did something unfair or hurt you in the past and you never really talked it out, that can lead to hard feelings that stick around for years. Or if they keep doing the same annoying or hurtful things over and over, but you might not feel comfortable or safe bringing up what's bothering you. Not talking about it just makes those feelings of resentment get even stronger.

So, have space and grace for all the emotions. For all the guilt. For all the frustrations. For all the possible regrets, resentment, and failed hopes for all the back and forth.

How Marriage Counseling Supports You Through the Process

It can be very challenging to process all of this on your own. Hopefully, you're working with someone. If not, I highly encourage you to work with a trained marriage counselor who can serve as a neutral party, offer a safe space to unpack your challenges, and provide the support you need. Marriage counseling in Raleigh, NC, and couples retreat in North Carolina offer a supportive, non-judgmental, and unbiased environment for processing the decision to break up in a structured and organized way.

After you've discussed it, journaled about it, and done some deeper work on it, you will feel more clarity. You will know what you want. Which might take time, but it does happen. I see that a lot.

So again, allow yourself an opportunity to rest in the in-between. To forgive yourself for the things you're thinking about, for this decision that you're making about leaving your partner and maybe breaking up the family.

Marriage Counselor Explains: The Emotional Back-and-Forth is Part of the Process

This "should I stay or should I go" dance isn't just painful—it's part of the process. If it's you thinking about leaving a long-term relationship or breaking up a family, it's natural to experience guilt, grief, and fear. This is a heavy, complex emotional space. And you are allowed to feel all of it. The regret. The guilt. The second-guessing. The moments of hope. The moments of dread. Because all that happens for a reason.

Why Taking Space in Your Relationship Isn't Giving Up—It's Sometimes the First Step to Healing

What happens when one partner says they want separation or divorce, but they are not one hundred percent sure? I often see this in my practice, where one partner feels that the best way to approach everything is to break up or separate. They usually experience trust issues, resentment, and many other difficulties in their relationships. They feel unsafe. And yet, they haven't entirely made up their mind. So, at the same time, they experience mixed feelings of guilt, regret, frustration, and exhaustion, which can make it challenging to take the final step and end the relationship.

My clients often say things like: "I've felt alone in this marriage for a long time." "They've been here physically, but emotionally, I've been on my own." "I want to leave… but I'm terrified of what that means for the kids."

And then, I often hear the other partner asking, "Is this normal? Are we together or not? We have been in this limbo for a long time, and it doesn't feel good."

Here's something I want you to hear clearly: Taking space in your relationship isn't giving up. Sometimes, it's the only way to break the cycle of confusion and get some emotional clarity. Perhaps you’re navigating infidelity and having trust issues, so you need some time to reflect on your feelings. Perhaps conflicts in your relationship have become too frequent or intense, or you're experiencing a communication breakdown. Or you’re just stuck in a roommate marriage with no intimacy or genuine emotional closeness.

Whether you're the one considering separation or the partner trying to make sense of what's happening, I often recommend leaning into this discomfort of breaking up and intentionally taking some physical space. For different couples, this can mean different things. But in general, taking space in your relationship or marriage could involve:

·       Getting a separate apartment temporarily.

·       Letting close friends and family know what's going on.

·       Shifting away from the fake image of a happy couple and the "we're fine" narrative and being honest about the cracks.

This kind of space helps unearth the truth under the surface. It gives both partners room to think, feel, and talk to others without being caught in the constant emotional push-and-pull.

So, taking space isn't giving up. It might be the first step to clarity and healing.

Trust Takes Time (and Space)

One couple I worked with had been each other's best friends for over a decade. So, they would go to each other when there were problems. So, when the conflict between them became too heavy to bear and the word "divorce" came up, it felt painful and isolating. It was tough to learn again how to rely on a friend network and how to engage intimately with other people.

But learning how to re-engage with your own support system is a massive part of this process. It's normal to feel isolated at first. But leaning into community—friends, a therapist, family—can help you find your voice again.

Trusting the process and getting a separate place allows both partners to have space and think through things. And again, yes, it is normal for this process to take a long time. And it can feel like agony for both partners. Recognizing and trusting your instincts is important, and it's essential to believe that everything happens for a reason. If you're thinking: "If I let them go…will they come back to me?" Know this: if it's meant to be, space won't break it—it will clarify it. And if it's not meant to be, you've created room for both of you to grow into the next chapter with more peace because this in-between space is not serving anyone.

If you're in this space, and you're both willing, attending a marriage retreat in North Carolina can provide a neutral, structured way to explore what's happening away from daily life stressors. Whether that's individual therapy, online therapy North Carolina, or a couples-focused approach, don't go through this alone.

Letting Go… or Letting It Breathe

Sometimes, space brings partners back together with more clarity and commitment. Other times, it helps you say goodbye with compassion instead of chaos. There's no easy answer here. There's no perfect roadmap.

But here's what I want you to remember:

·       You are not broken for feeling torn.

·       You are not a failure for needing space.

·       You are not selfish for wanting something different.

This process is heavy, painful, and often longer than you think it should be. But it's also an opportunity to be honest with yourself and your partner.

And sometimes, being in the in-between is precisely what's needed before healing—or parting—can begin.

Final Thoughts: You Don't Need Anyone's Permission

If you're considering a breakup or divorce, and you've been thinking about these things for a while, do what you know in your gut you need to do. Most of the time, what I tell clients is:

I think you already know what to do.

At the end of the day, you don't need a therapist's permission—or anyone else's—to do what you need to do. You deserve to be happy.

Quality Marriage Counseling Raleigh NC, and Online Therapy North Carolina.

At Marriage Counseling Wake Forest NC, I offer the best marriage counseling I can using the most empirically validated modality called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT).

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through marriage counseling Raleigh NC, marriage retreat in North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

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Hi, I'm Irina Baechle, LCSW, in Raleigh, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage or you are single , navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, sexless marriage, healthy second marriages, and healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.

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