Couples Therapy 101: Wake Forest Couples: What to expect during your first couples therapy session

Couples Therapy 101: Wake Forest Couples: What to expect during your first couples therapy session?

A question that often comes up when I chat with new friends about my marriage counseling Wake Forest NC private practice is "“What do you do, exactly, and why people need to see you?” " This is actually a really important question, so let’s me rewind myself and tell you a story.

Last Wednesday I had a privilege to attend a monthly meeting called “Functional Forum Cary” organized by a wonderful primary care physician Dr. Kiran Grewal. The meeting’s purpose is to bring together different health care practitioners, including physicians, psychotherapists, health coaches, acupuncturists, pharmacists, and so on, to discuss the development and application of functional medicine. And if you haven’t heard about functional medicine before, it is an approach that focused on treating the underlying causes of the disease instead of simply looking at the symptoms. It’a an a amazing approach that have helped me personally with an array of severe gastro intestinal issues several years ago.

As I was working around the room, talking to different practitioners about their practices and experiences, I met a new aspiring health coach. After discussing functional medicine and a health care field, in general, she asked me what exactly is couples counseling or therapy.

“What do you do, exactly, and why people need to see you?”

That’s a great question that I get a lot. People might know about the existence of couples counseling, but they have no idea what happened inside the session. It’s a like a big mystery! So I’ve decided to write a blog post on this topic, and to make things easier, focus on what to expect during your first couples counseling session. I’ve also made a video on this topic some time ago, so if you would rather watch a video that read a blog post, see below. So, as always, I broke it down to three digestible points to make its easy to read and metabolize.

1. You can expect a lot of questions

The first couples therapy session helps the couple and the therapist to get to know each other, so I often tell my couples that it feels like a “popcorn” session- we will explore all kinds of things and it might feel we will be all over the place! It is expected, and it is normal, by the way.

Some examples of my questions include:

“What was it like growing up in your family?”

”How was conflict handled in your family?”

“What drew you to each other when you met?”

“If I was a fly on the wall during your most recent argument, what would I see?”

“What are you doing that is actually WORKING?”

“Do you feel safe with your partner?”

“Do you have any concerns about anger expression for yourself or for your partner?”

“What would you like to achieve through therapy?”

In our first session, you’ll likely find yourself talking about your childhood, family dynamics, coping skills, and attachment style. Many couples tell me this feels both relieving and surprising—it’s often the first time they’ve really had space to share their story. Because so much has been held in, the first session often flies by.

I welcome questions at any point and am very open and transparent in my approach. My role is never to judge, but to help you feel truly seen and understood.

At times, I may offer a gentle “refocus” to make sure our work stays relevant and effective. Couples often share how much they appreciate that I have a clear process—one that prevents sessions from turning into an unhelpful rehash of “airing dirty laundry” or escalating into conflict. Instead, our time together is structured to create new understanding, shift stuck patterns, and open the door to deeper connection.

2. Clients will probably talk more than the therapist

During the very first couples therapy session, I like to set a framework right from the beginning. I’ll often say something like:

"In this first session, I take a more passive role because I want to give you space to tell your story in your own way. You’ve probably been carrying a lot for a long time, and this is your chance to put it into words. I might ask clarifying questions, but most of the time I just listen. I rarely interrupt, because this time is about you being heard."

Couples often tell me they feel a big sense of relief when they know this is what to expect. They don’t have to “perform” or get everything right. They simply get to share their experience, while I begin to understand the dynamics that brought them here.

How Later Sessions Feel Different

As we move past those first few sessions—usually around session three to six—things start to shift. By then, we’ve built some trust and rapport, and I can take a more active role. This is where I lean in with you. I get right there in the emotion with both partners, feeling it through my own nervous system, and helping you slow down enough to really recognize what’s happening underneath the surface.

At this stage, I am more assertive. I gently but firmly call out unhelpful behaviors, patterns, or protective moves that keep you stuck in disconnection. I don’t just let you spiral into the same old arguments—I help redirect the energy toward healing moments, softer emotions, and connection.

Why This Matters

The balance of these two phases—listening deeply at the start, then stepping in more actively as trust builds—creates both safety and momentum. First you feel understood. Then you feel guided. That combination is what makes therapy effective, because you’re not just venting your “dirty laundry”; you’re actively learning how to break negative cycles and build a stronger, more secure bond.

3. You therapist will probably ask you something like this at the end of the marriage counseling Wake Forest NC session:

”How was the session for you today?”

Again, it provides an opportunity for a client to voice their discomfort or concerns about the potential relationship with the therapist. And remember, it is important to be honest because good therapists will never get their feelings hurt by hearing your truth.

I hope you find this information helpful. If you have any questions or would like to schedule your free 15-minute phone consultation, visit my website https://www.irinabaechlecounselingllc.com/.

Quality Marriage Counseling Wake Forest NC, and Online Therapy North Carolina.

At Marriage Counseling Wake Forest NC, I offer the best marriage counseling I can using the most empirically validated modality called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT).

This is not your typical weekly kind of therapy. I am here to help couples and individuals in relationships do what is proven to work to help them heal their relationships. Through Marriage Counseling Wake Forest NC,  marriage retreat in North Carolina, online therapy North Carolina, and individual counseling, there is something for every couple who wants to heal their relationship.

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Hi, I'm Irina Baechle LCSW, in Wake Forest, NC. I believe in the power of healthy relationships and write on that topic. Whether you and a partner are co-creating a healthy marriage, or you are single navigating how to have healthy relationships, my content is for you. Let's make healthy, trustworthy marriages the norm instead of the exception! Topics I write about include marriage, infidelity, roommate marriages, sexless marriage, healthy second marriages, healing after toxic or unfaithful marriages.

Have questions about marriage counseling? Visit FAQ to find out more.

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